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‘I gent to the gentist the o’er gay and...’ well I can stop that nonsense right now, because I only went for my six-monthly cleaning and check up and oil change, and I only mention it because while I was there I had one of those co-incidences without which these essays would be a lot less common.
Yes when I went in to the dentist’s office I noticed that there was an English woman patient already there (that’s not the whole co-incidence, don’t worry it does develop a bit more). Now it is an interesting fact that when English people over here happen to meet other English people who also happen to be over here there is a strange phenomenon occurs. Well actually thinking about it, it would probably be more accurate to say that a strange non-phenomenon doesn’t occur. You see, you see, how can I best explain this... maybe think of it as the exact the opposite of Quantum entanglement?
...No better not go there!
Let’s just say that when English people meet over here they almost never admit to the fact that they, as an English person, are standing in front of (or even, in extreme cases, actually talking to) another English person, a fellow citizen, a compatriot! It just doesn’t happen. Now I don’t know if this is because we are way too cool to deign to stoop to behaving like lesser breeds (who would, of course, be all over each other---“Hey! Where-ya from man?!”) or if it’s because (as I suspect) the main reason for us being over here (as distinct from over there) is because we wanted to avoid meeting all those damned other English people in the first place.
So I of course just went in without saying anything to her and got on to the dental Laz-e-boy and composed myself for a cleaning. Then, then---this lady did the un-English thing!---Oh! Horror! The squirming! The embarrassment! Though I must admit that she was true enough to her origins to merely ask the receptionist to ask me, and the receptionist being American and under no such taboos came straight in and asked me straight out where I was from in England.
WHERE WAS I FROM?!??
What could I do, gentle listener, this was after all an introduction---an introduction in fact of the third kind, the Introduction Indirect! So what could I do but get up, go to the office, shake hands and... and... communicate!! (This is where the co-incidence jumps out and says “Boo! Time for an essay!”) You see whilst she was born in Kent she had actually just spent the last sixteen years living in Pakefield, only about seven miles from my parents. And what (I supposed that I had little choice but to ask) was she doing there?
She was a missionary.
She was, apparently, a missionary to the East Anglians.
So... Um... So what else is new in the one thousand, three hundred and seventy-one years since St Felix came as a missionary to the East Angles, thereby winning for the third time and retiring the title “Apostle to the East Anglians”!
It seems, not a lot.
I remember reading, some time ago, of a survey1 that found that in America “just 26% say they attend [a religious service] every week”. This seems to have been viewed with mild horror, perhaps as another sign of modern degeneracy. You should bear that ‘mere’ 26% in mind when considering what follows.
I said “Wow! A missionary! Well we are a Godless lot over there.” She agreed and said that when she arrived as a missionary only about 2% of the population attended church.
I expressed lack of surprise and reminded her that we were so (what’s the word... Ah!) restrained (that’s IT!) we were so restrained in our religious beliefs in England that the Church of England had to my certain knowledge had at least one bishop (Dr John Robinson, Bishop of Woolwich) who was down in print as not believing in Heaven or Hell at all, or (as far as I could see) even in God to any noticeable extent.
Poor missionary, as we said our goodbyes and she hopefully told me the address of her church over here she confessed that by the time she left East Anglia she thought attendance was down to 1%
Cheerio for now
from Richard Howland-Bolton.
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Notes:
Not Angels but Anglicans
"Non Angeli sed Anglicani" is a reference to Gregorii Magni (Pope Gregory the Great's) comment, found in Bede's Historia Ecclesiastica Gentis Anglorum (Book II Ch i), usually given as "non Angli sed angeli" but (of course) really being that when he was told that some boy slaves (who probably weren't either boys or slaves) were "Angli"replied "...angelicam habent faciem, et tales angelorum in caelis decet esse coheredes" (they have the faces of angels and should be the co-heirs of the angels in heaven). ________________________________________ 1 Survey
"... a survey that found that in America" it was from a new survey by Harris Interactive of 2,306 adults
"Who worships at a religious service?
Just over half (55 percent) attend a religious service a few times a year or more. Thirty-six percent attend once a month or more often, and just 26 percent say they attend every week. Forty-one percent of women and 31 percent of men attend once a month or more. Protestants (47 percent) are more likely to go to church once a month or more often than are Roman Catholics (35 percent). Jews are least likely to go with 16 percent saying they go to synagogue once a month or more. Church attendance is highest in the Midwest and lowest in the West."
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