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Oh! Forget your oft-made claims about things that are "Only in the US of A" because what follows should easily trump you while coming under the heading of "Only In the UK of GB & NI" or if you're feeling lazy "Only in Britain". And, furthermore, during the following discourse I'd like you to bear in mind that even today the most important things in society over there have Royal associations---it's always "The Royal Navy", "The Royal Air Force", "The Royal Academy"---so consider this: we have a "Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals" (we also have a "Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Birds" for that matter). Guess what we do for our children? Unlike British beasts of the land (and birds of the air for that matter), all that British children get is a mere "National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children" and you can almost feel the unwritten rider "As Long As it Don't Hurt Poor Little Animals (Or Birds For that Matter)".
Yes! We go gaga over animals over there (and also "Aaaaah" and similar disgusting and irrational noises too)!
Consider, for example, the recent banning in Britain of fox hunting, a ...a titanic struggle which raised the emotional level of the country to such an extent and so polarized those involved that it made the Civil Rights Movement over here look like a tea-party in a nunnery (and, moreover, a tea party in a nunnery where all the sisters were on Prozac AND medical marijuana)--It is surely a telling point that (according to the 'Number Crunching' section of that scurrilous, though often surprisingly accurate magazine, Private Eye) Parliament spent seven hours deciding to go to war in Iraq, and spent seven hundred hours on the fox hunting ban. It's now got so wild that, in what must be considered our version of burning the flag (and then some), as a recent headline1 declared 'Artist Eats Fox in Political Protest' which certainly puts a new twist on Oscar Wilde's very old protestation about Fox hunting being 'the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable'. And at that point I think we should drop the whole foxy subject, even though the Artist did say that it tasted a bit like rack of lamb (rather than the more usual chicken), and we should now make a bid to take what might be considered the high ground. Did you know that in Britain we are so weird about animals that we apparently give medals to the ones used by the military? The Beeb recently had a story about a 'spy pigeon's medal' fetching £9,200 (and that's about seventeen and a half grand as the rate exchanges) as they said "He (it was a male pigeon--I'm sure the British Authorities would never let a female pigeon into a war zone) ...he received his medal in 1945 for his "conspicious [that's what it says--I suppose they meant conspicuous, unless there is some really bad pun about species intended there] conspicious bravery and devotion..." before he was put out to stud. And can't you just feel all those jealous old human soldiers complaining "...a bloody pigeon: they put 'im out to stud after they gave 'im a medal?! Why din't they put me out to stud--I earned medals too!!!"
Anyway.
So having firmly established our status as complete and utter kooks when it comes to animals (and birds for that matter) let's finally consider the right Berks of my title (or maybe Twits, I can't make up my mind...) the Animal Rights movement in Britain. I mean they make PETA and its chums over here look like a tea-party in a nunnery---even down to the Prozac and the medical marijuana!
I mean apart from behaving in very inhumane ways towards scientists engaged in such to them nefarious activities as medical research, and towards their guinea-pig suppliers, and towards the wives and the children of the scientists and suppliers, and even in one case towards the dead granny of a supplier, their main obsession seems to be the releasing of mink.
Now why they do this is not exactly clear, since the mink is a voracious predator that is not native to Britain, so that while it is true that keeping mink for coats or whatever could be considered cruel and unnecessary, what happens when the Animal Liberation berks liberate them is far worse---loads of them get squashed on the roads and those that don't then proceed to munch on all of the local small fluffy or feathery things they can get their nasty, pointy little teeth into, so then the local authorities have to go on mass mink hunts and try to kill the rest! Ahh! but there's no accounting for right Berks (or Twits for that matter)
So Cheerio for now
from Richard Howland-Bolton.
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Notes:
1 Foxiphage
"... recent headline" As it has become less recent Reuters seems to have hurled it onto the trash-heap of history---so
I'm preserving it!
UK ARTIST EATS FOX IN POLITICAL PROTEST
December 01 2004 at 12:45PM London - Forget the soiled bedsheets and pickled animals, British art has taken another outrageous turn in an example of the unspeakable swallowing the uneatable. Performance artist Mark McGowan, who counts among his feats pushing a peanut along the road to Tony Blair's Downing Street home with his nose, has eaten a fox, in protest at the public fixation with a government ban on fox hunting. He described the roast fox, which he ate in public, as quite tasty, although he admitted to nearly vomiting at times. "It was a bit like rack of lamb," he said on Wednesday. "The trouble was the retching noises from the other people in the room." Too much attention is paid to fox hunting, he believes. "One million people marched against fox hunting and another million marched for it. The housing estate where I live is full of crack-heads but no one marches to help them," he said. "Everyone gets really worked up about a furry animal, but no one cares about each other." McGowan plans to repeat the performance at an exhibition in London's Docklands on December 15.
By the way, although I suppose Foxiphage is a less regular formation than say Alopephage, it's a lot more fun.
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