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Georgia on My Mind On:2009-03-06 04:49:57

Typical bloody Texas weather in February---it's been up in the 80s and really, really spring-like, and you know what they say (or at least what Tennyson said, or rather wrote ) don't you "In the Spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of..." well you probably know what those thoughts are too, "In the Spring a young man's fancy..." and I might as well admit that my fancy turns there as well: in my case to thoughts of Georgia.

And no I don't mean the whole state, I mean one person---and one moreover who (probably very indirectly) appears to have been named for the last King of America.
Quondam grand dame, Lee-the-Lady-Friend long ago having followed her namesake Robert E into the mists of time (as he in turn was no doubt a-following George III) and, what with the weather and the state of the economy and the new administration, it really was about time I had another other to be significant with. Or do I mean to? And now I seem to have.

So everything in the garden's rosy again.

Did I just say 'garden?' Oh! Dear!! Speak, as they so prophetically say, of the Devil ...! You see unfortunately for me it's not just young men and me that have all those lightly turning fancies at this time of year but, as I've rehearsed elsewhere , and at great length, trees get disgustingly jiggly at this time of year too, and further, that when you are a tree, however aroused you get, you have one pretty-well unsurmountable problem---and the root of that problem is just that: roots! And since the whole point of roots is to keep a tree rooted to the spot, what is a young tree to do when the sap et cetera starts a-rising and the buds start a-budding and the so forths start a-so-forthing? Well their particular solution to the whole dating and mating ...um... thing was dealt with quite succinctly in Genesis 38:91, in the story of Onan and his defunct brother er.... what was his name? ... er....er Oh yes! Er---the story of Onan and Er's wife; and whatever you may choose as your personal interpretation of Genesis 38:9---the one that is supposed to make you go blind, or the one exemplified by that street name I pass every workday as I drive through Plano to the Office---Interrupted CoitCoit, which I suppose they intended, as good plain-o Latinists, to write as 'Coitus' only they were interrupted.

And so with all that arboreal onanism going on all about and around me, I find that yet again I am a martyr to the sex life of trees: indeed sometimes I wish the trees' punishment were more of the order of Onan's---yup! at this time of year I could do with a bit of divine deforestation.

And it's so distracting, while the sneezing itself may be sexy or at least sexual, as has recently been reported in the JRSM, the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine by Bhutta and Maxwell in an article entitled 'Sneezing induced by sexual ideation or orgasm: an under-reported phenomenon' in which they "describe a hitherto under-recognized curious response in some individuals: of sneezing in response either to sexual ideation or in response to orgasm." their review suggesting "that it may be much more common than expected." and they "surmise that an indiscrete stimulation of the parasympathetic nervous system may be an underlying mechanism to explain this", no it's not the sneezing, it's all the other stuff involving runny eyes and noses and feet-to-the-medicine-chest-for-anti-snot-pills that really destroys any possibility of romance.

And now for some possibly just about good-ish news: while I've been writing this the weather has itself turned, and not so much to thoughts of love, as to wistfulness for winter, and the temperature has dropped from those barmy 80's2 back down to insane 30's3, though now I've said it, I fear that whatever that drop does to the ardor of me and the young men, it's not going to make a blind bit 'o difference to those damned randy trees in the arbor...

Cheerio for now
from
Richard Howland-Bolton





Notes:

 By the way I just realised that that moaning I've been hearing of late isn't the wind---it's the trees having orgasms!


 

1  of course I'm sure you know it, but just to refresh your memory it's the verse that goes:

ט  וַיֵּדַע אוֹנָן, כִּי לֹּא לוֹ יִהְיֶה הַזָּרַע; וְהָיָה אִם-בָּא אֶל-אֵשֶׁת אָחִיו, וְשִׁחֵת אַרְצָה, לְבִלְתִּי נְתָן-זֶרַע, לְאָחִיו.

2  barmy:---and I do mean mad...
Simon and I had a heated discussion about this spelling (proving that he, at least, visits the site) so I thought I'd better append some stuff from the OED, so that none of you think any less of me than you do now; you see actually there is a choice, and (following a century of usage) I prefer to differentiate the two meanings by using the 'barmy' form.

Also there wouldn't be such an obvious paronomasia with the form in '-l-'.

See the OED under barmy 2.b. especially the 1896 quotation.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
barmy, a.

[f. BARM n.2 + -Y1.]

    1. Of, full of, or covered with barm; frothing.
1535 LYNDESAY Sat. Three Estates, Gud barmie aill. 1601 B. JONSON Poetast. V. iii, That puft-up lump of barmy froth. c1817 HOGG Tales II. 256 Like barmy beer in corked bottles.

    2. a. fig. Full of ferment, excitedly active, flighty.
1602 Ret. fr. Parnass. I. ii. (Arb.) 9 Such barmy heads wil alwaies be working. a1605 MONTGOMERIE Poems (1821) 49 Hope puts that hast into ʒour heid, Quhilk boyl's ʒour barmy brain. 1785 BURNS Wks. III. 85 Just now I've taen the fit o' rhyme, My barmie noddle's working prime.

    b. = BALMY a. 7 (of which it is an altered form, after BARM n.2). slang.
1892 Answers 27 Feb. 242/1 One plan is..to give foolish answers when asked questions. By this means the shammer gets known as being 'barmy' (weak-minded) among his shipmates. 1896 Westm. Gaz. 30 May 8/1 Should not 'balmy' be 'barmy'? I have known a person of weak intellect called 'Barmy Billy'... The prisoner..meant to simulate semi-idiocy, or 'barminess', not 'balminess'. 1902 Ibid. 8 Nov. 2/1 All the boys think him barmy.

    3. Comb. barmy-brained a., flighty; barmy-froth, (fig.) a flighty, empty-headed fellow.
1599 MARSTON Sco. Villanie 166 Each odde puisne of the Lawyers Inne, Each barmy-froth, that last day did beginne To read his little. 1824 SCOTT St. Ronan's xxxii, Cork-headed barmy-brained gowks!

DRAFT ADDITIONS JUNE 2006

    barmy, adj.

  * barmy army n. (also with capital initials) Brit. (a) derogatory a political faction regarded as extremist or fanatical; (b) Sport the supporters of a particular team, esp. those known for their raucous behaviour or vociferous support during matches; spec. (freq. as a self-designation) such a group of followers of the England cricket team.
1987 Guardian 24 June 2/8 Delegates..expressed disillusion with the Labour Party and their resistance to what Mr Paul Gallent from Nottinghamshire called 'the *barmy army of the Left'. 1989 Independent (Nexis) 3 Jan., The best chance fell to City's Trevor Morley and he fired straight at Mervyn Day. The bananas drooped while Sergeant Wilko's Barmy Army cheered, to confirm the happier side. 1994 J. BIRMINGHAM He died with Felafel in his Hand (1997) iv. 65, I could hear those drunken Barmy Army fools singing Rule Britannia a way off in the distance. 1996 Sunday Tel. 4 Feb. (Rev. section) 24/1 The 'Barmy Army', English cricket's noisiest and most outrageous supporters, arrived in South Africa, raring to go, for the Test series this winter. 2002 South Wales Echo (Nexis) 2 Aug. 8 During the 1995 Tory leadership contest it was Collins who described John Redwood's campaign team as a 'swivel-eyed barmy army'.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
balmy, a.

[f. BALM n. + -Y1.]

    1. Yielding or producing balm.
1667 MILTON P.L. v. 24 What drops the Myrrhe, and what the balmie Reed. 1742 COLLINS Eclog. i. 49 The balmy shrub for you shall love our shore.

    †2. Of the consistency of balm; resinous. Obs.
1782 MONRO Anat. 14 The marrow is..oily and balmy in middle age.

    3. Delicately and deliciously fragrant.
c1500 DUNBAR Gold. Targe 97 Ewiry blome..Opnyt & spred thair balmy leves. 1604 SHAKES. Oth. V. ii. 16 Ile smell thee on the Tree. Oh Balmy breath. 1794 BURNS Wks. IV. 313 Like a baumy kiss. 1824 MISS MITFORD Village Ser. I. (1863) 85 Under the shade of those balmy firs.

    4. fig. Deliciously soft and soothing.
1604 SHAKES. Oth. II. ii. 259 To haue their Balmy slumbers wak'd with strife. 1742 YOUNG Nt. Th. I. 1 Tir'd Nature's sweet restorer, balmy Sleep! 1857 HEAVYSEGE Saul (1869) 161 The balmy sense of fault forgiven.

    5. Of wind, air, weather, etc. (combining senses 3 and 4): Deliciously mild, fragrant, and soothing.
1704 POPE Winter 48 The balmy zephyrs. 1850 TENNYSON In Mem. xvii, And balmy drops..Slide from the bosom of the stars. 1867 M. E. BRADDON R. Godwin II. v. 73 When the August weather was brightest and balmiest.

    6. Of healing virtue, medicinally soothing.
1746 COLLINS Ode to Pity i, With balmy hands his wounds to bind. 1796 BURKE Regic. Peace Wks. 1842 II. 318 To assuage his bruised dignity with half a yard square of balmy diplomatick diachylon. 1826 E. IRVING Babylon II. 391 The cure for a disease, is to send..balmy medicines.

    7. 'Soft', weak-minded, idiotic. Also as n. (see quot. 1903). See also BARMY a. slang.
1851 MAYHEW Lond. Labour I. 217/2 (Street-patterers' slang) Balmy, insane. 1859 HOTTEN Slang Dict., Balmy, insane. 1891 FARMER Slang II. 224/1 Balmy in one's crumpet. 1892 Daily News 17 Nov. 6/6 Regarding the old 'balmy' criminals, they are poor creatures, far more to be pitied than condemned. 1903 LD. W. NEVILL Penal Servitude 150 These are officially classed as 'W. M.'---that is, weak-minded{em}but are invariably known colloquially as 'balmies'. Ibid. 151 A man who appears to be playing 'balmy'. 1912 MASEFIELD Dauber II. in English Rev. Oct. 350 Painting's a balmy's job [ed. 1913, p. 21 a balmy job] not worth a nail. 1922 'R. CROMPTON' Just---William xi. §I. 206 'I s'pose you're balmy on her,' he said resignedly. 1929 J. B. PRIESTLEY Good Companions III. i. 460 People here must have gone balmy.

    8. absol. Sleep. (Cf. sense 4.) slang.
1840 DICKENS Old C. Shop viii, As it's rather late, I'll try and get a wink or two of the balmy.

3  insane:---see!






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