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Here is a Sup—I mean repository of the texts of my together with some readings of them. The essays were broadcast by WXXI 91.5 Classical of Rochester, NY on Salmagundy each Saturday at 9:35am Eastern Time, from the beginning of time (1985) till May 2009 when Entropa (evil Goddess of Change-for-the-Worse-or-Possibly-the-Worst) troubled the minds of the WXXIites and they retired Simon and Salmagundy, and Rochester went into a terminal decline---for ever.
I continued on that brilliant bastion of all that's good and kultured, WCLV's syndicated Weekend Radio on many (mainly NPRish) stations traditionally on the first and third weekends of the month, though weekendage varied, till the horror crept ever onward and that too was devoured (in August 2023, a date which will live in infamy or at lease mild irritation)... and only I remain, defiant though wimpering.
Richard Howland-Bolton
There are pop-up pics and links all over the place here. In text they are indicated by a double underline like this:
mouse-overing brings the pop-up up and clicking (usually) goes to the link |
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This just in from the News Department:
Genetic Engineering has almost perfected the piranha bunny: and while this is potentially a frightening concept, as they are both prolific and voracious; scientists have yet to overcome their tendency to suffocate both on the land and in the water, so we have nothing much to fear.
Yet.
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Many years ago, when I was even sillier than I now am, and didn't even have my current excuse of incipient senility to account for it; I had a girlfriend, name of Christianne, who had the most strikingly long, stunningly red hair: hair that one might reasonably judge to be, for all practical purposes, unique: hair that stood out in a crowd---Hell, hair that probably stood out in aerial photographs.
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One of the most endearing, enduring and traditional aspects of Modern Science is that it is hedged about with great Principles of Conservation: the Conservation of Momentum, the Conservation of Spin, the Conservation of Energy (which so recently made its successful take-over bid for that oldie but goldie the Conservation of Matter) and so on and so forth, and now, today, we can finally announce an amazing breakthrough.
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I suppose this could be considered a Science Fiction story (though, really, I would like you to remember that everything depends on your point of view), but anyway whatever this is; imagine the following terrible scene:
Fifteen or sixteen thousand square miles (an area, say---just for example, resembling Maryland and Delaware and Washington DC combined--not that I would suggest for one moment that it WAS actually Maryland and Delaware and Washington DC combined): those places reduced to a fused, lifeless, flat plane, scattered with the crushed remains of what might be small furry animals, or might indeed be something far worse; nothing can grow there, not even a blade of grass; above it the very air itself is damaged, blighted, troubled; and what about the inhabitants?---hundreds of thousands dead, many millions more hurt, possibly dying too. And who knows what hulking shapes lumber or hurtle their bulks through this nightmare plain, sometimes blaring their sudden, shocking cries or, as the light dims, glaring lights of a blinding intensity into the gloom.
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I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what happens to the nicer sort of animal once Mankind gets some new bee in his bonnet, you know the sort thing: the grand ideas Mankind gets every so often, like going on long sea voyages or inventing guns, and Oh! the dreadful results, and Oh! that we seem so powerless to stop it, and Oh! it makes us so sad: in fact I’m certain that, for example, at the time of the demise of the Dodo we all got decently dejected, and I'm sure too that we all paused to ponder the passing of the Passenger Pigeon, but so far as I know, no one gave a hoot over one of the worst of man’s destructions of wildlife---the tragic de-speciation that occurred in Ireland in the later 5th century. One would have expected Greenpeace to march or something, or to have at least organized a rescue mission, especially since the species loss was intentionally, almost spitefully caused, but absolutely nothing seems to have happened. In fact no one seems to have even blown the whistle on this dreadful, wanton act of cruelty until the chronicler Jocelyn of Furness1 reported it in the 12th century, nearly 700 years after the events! Now I think that this is disgusting and even though it is difficult at this late date to piece together the details of this disreputable episode, I would not be serving the higher interests of investigative reportage or the consciences of my listeners if I didn't try, so here goes.
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Now, I've seen that weird movie by Terry Gilliam with it's homage to the Odessa Steps scene from Eisenstein's 'Bronenosets Potyomkin' so... Oh! No! No! Sorry! Wrong one! I mean that other movie, not Gilliam's 'Brazil' but Schaffner's 'The Beans from Brazil', you know the one where Laurence Olivier and full supporting cast track and fight those evil guys led by Gregory Peck (with a severe case of Mengele-itis) who are trying to clone Hitler's favourite cup of joe---THAT's the movie I've seen and since I have seen that movie, the recent announcement that they (those really frightening real scientists from Brazil) have just sequenced the DNA of the bean comes as no surprise, though something of a shock.
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In the spring a young tree’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of ...
well, though I’d like to, I can hardly put what it is that they’re doing into human terms, at least not on this programme, at least not unless we’ve just been taken over by Howard Stern...
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The other week in one of these essays I mentioned “King Billy” and “Olly”. As you no doubt realised at the time, I did this in an attempt to clarify the point that I was making... whatever that might have been... I forget...
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Well, England’s a thing of the past and I’m finally back in Texas. You know going back from there to here set me thinking about how it is never actually possible to go back anywhere, not with any real satisfaction anyway.
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Modern science is hedged about with great Principles of Conservation - the Conservation of Momentum, the Conservation of Energy (which not so long ago made such a successful take-over bid for that oldie but goldie the Conservation of Matter) and so forth, and now we can announce an amazing breakthrough by the Salmagundy Physical Laboratory here on State Street:
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