What was it Shakespeare said?
"What's in a name? That which we call a noseor something like that.
"By any other name would smell, so the candidates would, were they not to be candidates call'd"
Not, of course that I would ever stoop to being satirical---or worse [gasp] political! And then again, bear in mind that I don't want to be too offensive, while at the same time striving to be offensive enough...
Since we down here in Texas are currently being bombarded night and day by the buggers, with ads that they apparently approve of (even if we don't) I just can't refrain from commenting on those current examples of what e.e. cummings once referred to as the arses "upon which everyone has sat but a man" (with the possible exception of Hillary).
I'm sure you see by this stage in the campaign that there is obviously no point judging any of the damn things by what their handler's tell them America expects they should pretend to believe in or stand for, since they are all wholly owned and operated by big something-or-other-that-isn't-you. And anyway; whichever of them we do get lumbered with in the end, whatever they would like, or plan, or hope to do; events will most certainly overtake them and they will, as usual, be caught with their pants down (with the possible exception of Hillary).
No the only rational, sensible way of judging candidates is by their names---Oh! And I don't mean that mere 'name recognition' thingy where the voter going into the booth, or responding to the pollster, will desperately search their brains for a name that looks vaguely familiar ---You know the sort of thing:
"Have I ever seen the name Clinton before?"
"Bama isn't an Irish name, is it? So O'Bama can't really be Irish, can he?"
"Do I really and truly heart Huckabees?"
"Or is it McCain who's the Irish one?"
etcetera .... etcetera .... etcetera (as the king once wrote to Anna).
No, no, I mean their names as names. You know; how interesting or, dare I say, how funny they are---or how funny or interesting they could be made with a bit o' stretching.
For example, and not to prejudice anything, Hillary should never be confused with Sir Edmund (especially since he happens to be dead at the moment) otherwise there's a danger of Tenzings being Sherpaly increased (Hey! I did just mention stretching, and I'm desperately trying to work in a 'first up Everest' joke in here without reminding you of poor old Bill's shenanigans---so work with me ...please?!) and talking of Bill reminds me that 'Hillary' was originally a man --- I mean the name not the woman, who as far as I know has always been a woman, even as a baby.
Then there's Huckabee!
Oh! Dear! 'Huckabee' has far too much scope for X-rated head rhymes to even get into this essay, let alone the White House so I think we'll just leave him well alone.
And then poor old 'McCain' is just soooo boring and as for being a John, well for a start being a john is immoral even where it's not illegal so I suppose he'll have go and hide himself in the john now that I've brought it up.
Then there's Ralph Nader who far from being the zenith of candidates is obviously their absolute nadir, so enough said there.
So since everyone else running has utterly boring names we at last come back to the putatively Irish O'bama, and in my opinion, apart from the “Mama pajama” rhyme, the best thing we can say about this most junior of the candidates is that at least ‘Barack’1 can be belched without mispronouncing it but I suppose that's rather sophomoric---so, what's next? We’ll all go to toga parties in the Senate (with the possible exception of Hillary).
Personally, I can't wait for 2012.
Cheerio for now
1 Now here’s a thing.
The fact of the eructatability of O’Bama’s first name was the genesis and whole point of this essay, but I got a bad case of writers’ blindness and originally just wrote “at least his name can be belched” completely forgetting to point out which of his names. I then recorded it, and edited it, and mixed it down to the final file, and was about to leave for work when this lapse landed me one upside the head, and I had to set up my recording equipment again and record and baldly insert a Baraaaaack into the piece---I hope you can’t see the join.
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